Monday, December 12, 2011

And Yet I am Jobless

It is said that there is no alternative to experience. I did not agree with that until I learned it the hard way. After years of futile efforts and false hopes, I did not get a job or a scholarship.  As far as I can remember, I have applied and been rejected for about 20 scholarships. Moreover, I have been declined the same number of jobs over the past few years. So I feel confident that in this physical universe that we inhabit, if there is one person qualified enough to comment on the state of employment that should be me. Now that all other options are exhausted, I thought of putting up my case before you people and you should decide why I could not get anything despite all my efforts? Here is my resume. Read it and then decide.





(P.S. All of you out there who denied me scholarships and jobs, do not read this or you would be ashamed and regretful. :P)
Scripted by at

86 comments:

  1. Unknown12 December 2011 at 00:25

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Destination Infinity12 December 2011 at 01:10

    LOL @ 100 Friends/11,687 friend requests sent! You could try for a job at Facebook as their application tester. No other resume is better suited for that position! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous12 December 2011 at 01:22

    - you forgot to mention sudko and dramas and applications on mobile.yehi bright future hai.:-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Balqis DBJ12 December 2011 at 08:20

    Hehehe...Israr, I'm almost speechless! It would be a tough decision after reading your resume! So cool!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. --12 December 2011 at 09:38

    LoL @ The University of Facebook :P Once more, I read part of the opening paragraph in my reader, knowing that it's most likely leading us to classic Israr entertainment! Ahh, glad you didn't disappoint :P :))

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cяystal12 December 2011 at 09:38

    500 sms/day? :O

    ReplyDelete
  7. suvaiba12 December 2011 at 10:15

    wah wah wah
    ek or qualification likh do- elley ke kabbas wali ..! :P
    bada hi wadiya post that..! :) and yep i agree you should try for a job on FB.! :P

    ReplyDelete
  8. Inspector Saahab12 December 2011 at 10:21

    lol. nothing less expected from you.
    most probably you have been rejected because you are too good. haha

    this is so amusing :P

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sadiya Merchant12 December 2011 at 10:22

    hehe u din get a job cos as is apparent ur over-qualified :P

    ReplyDelete
  10. Shreya12 December 2011 at 11:17

    Lol.. ;) Loved it. :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jyoti Mishra12 December 2011 at 14:32

    I agree with Sadiya... u r way more qualified :P
    Fuo read :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Madhulika12 December 2011 at 14:50

    hahaha.. initially i felt that i am gonna read some serious stuffs this time about how unfair life has been to you... but i couldn't stop laughing after reading this..!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dave King12 December 2011 at 15:14

    I sympathise. So many firms are looking for someone in their twenties with thirty years' experience.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Deborah12 December 2011 at 16:16

    LOL ... very funny :o)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Basharat Ali12 December 2011 at 16:17

    wow bro!
    University of Facebook and Ufone International University.

    I am wondering you have studied from such high standard institutes but still jobless.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sahana Rao12 December 2011 at 16:23

    LOL LOL! THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS!!! AND CREATIVE!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Rià12 December 2011 at 16:59

    lol!! :P Too good.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Nasnin Nasser12 December 2011 at 17:42

    he he he....God! What all kinds of ideas you have! And all turn out to be so hilarious! May be you are too good to be employed! And oh is that fb and sms calculations real? My goodness!
    he he...enjoyed (as always)! Regards:)

    ReplyDelete
  19. MARIA ALMAS12 December 2011 at 19:21

    Waow thats really IMPRESSIVE post Israr !
    the resume is highly competent like i cant compete the records of sms & mms even in hundred years :P that's really something exceptional in you that why people of this earth are not appointing you i think you must try somewhere in PLUTO or JUPITER i am damn sure u will get a perfect job there :D

    as always i enjoyed your writing :) this is again a new color of the scenery of Misterio vida's blog :)

    A new style with unique idea that's MARVELOUS !!!


    keep writing and sharing :)

    best wishes :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. pygmalion12 December 2011 at 19:22

    You do all of these! and yet claim to be jobless!!
    This is the height of modesty, I should say ..ahaa

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous13 December 2011 at 01:19

    da cv di ma pa face book upoad kola ho ma wail hasi na hafa she? funland

    ReplyDelete
  22. MianTariq13 December 2011 at 05:39

    OMG: Your CV/Resume is above average.
    Please accept the following offer with handsome package:
    Commission plus salary:
    1-For the time being you will be working as Pak Presidency Intern without pay.
    2-You will move up if the boss does not return even after maximum medical recovery.
    3-Fringe benefits:
    Mininmum 10% commission plus bonus and a free malshia barbar after your loyalty is established.
    BE AWARE!
    All depends if electricity is ever produced again, new notes will be printed to help inflation become hyperinflation and payouts.
    Good luck Israr!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Unknown13 December 2011 at 06:37

    OMG you crack me up. Quite an achievement you got there.. haha.. Those schools and companies that rejected you run by idiots..If i were them I'll hire you as soon I read your distinctions.. haha..

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sujatha Sathya13 December 2011 at 08:46

    you totally caught me unawares!! :DDD
    i was reading the first para so seriously & really felt for your situation of being jobless & was scanning your resume equally seriously & you....you...rogue.....you fooled me big time!

    you are way too qualified Israr

    and hey the fraandhsip requests sent are karib karib baraah hazaar & only 100 friends??!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous13 December 2011 at 11:02

    Israr im surprised!!! but i believe in fate...rather than ur perseverance and talent thz 1thng(the supernatural power or fate) whch decides on all the living beings n the world...i knw sombdy who doesnt even knw anythg reg their sub but now shockd 2 c his position n a reputd company....so 1thng i tl u s "try n try agn u vl succeed"...."later the better"....so wishng u frnd 4r bright future....

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Poet13 December 2011 at 19:13

    Hello.
    LOL...Israr, you are way over-qualified. You have more experience & expertise than your would-be employers...that does not bode well with them. Time to build your own empire, my friend...next thing you know, WE will be the ones coming to YOU for a job! University of Facebook!...lol
    Awesome post! I am always highly entertained whenever I visit here. Keep it up! Like the new profile photo as well.

    Thanks for visiting. I always look forward to seeing you.
    BTW, hope you find that beautiful wife you're looking for! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Zeba14 December 2011 at 04:05

    Arey wah, aap ka toh kaafi experience hai matlab. Itne friend request aur SMS shayad hi koi send kiye ho. I am at my wit's end. Aapko job kyun nahi milra? Agar aap ki yeh haal hai, toh dusron ka kya hoga? Sigh.

    so I am not very good in Urdu. But I HAD to comment in that language! Hope I am making sense. :-) LOVED the post.

    ReplyDelete
  28. kiran shah14 December 2011 at 09:40

    Israr1
    u r realy over qualified and employers have fear that u can be dangerous for them like Dr. Adian....p next time when u apply for any job plz attatch this cv along with...., i m sure this time u will be successful lolz...
    they realy done totally wrong in this way that they ignored such a creative person...:)
    In some cases i think when anyone didnt get ur right inspite of having ability then he use to waste or misuse his or her abilitiese as a revenge.... keep on sharing

    ReplyDelete
  29. kiran shah14 December 2011 at 09:48

    I am facinated by ur qualification, u r having exect calculatn abt frnd ruquests, mms, msgs....p it shows ur memory power and the way u wrote it, showes ur creativity marvlous post i enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. the butterfly effect15 December 2011 at 14:39

    ever heard the phrase "everything happens for a reason" ? or let me put it islamicly, Allah jo kerta hai behter kerta hai kyunke wo behter jannay wala hai. mayoosi kufr hai. recite 2 nafals and ask Allah to give you peace in ur heart.

    ReplyDelete
  31. the butterfly effect15 December 2011 at 14:41

    oh, ur resume just opened. are you really jobless?

    ReplyDelete
  32. hyperCRYPTICal15 December 2011 at 16:56

    Love the resume Israr - it really tickles me! The '*all socres devided by 2' is brilliant as is the rest of it!

    I would certainly employ you! (Please forward a large donation to enable me to set up a company :o]).

    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
  33. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 10:54

    @Foz...

    yes the idea sounds good...shall try :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 10:56

    @ES...

    lolz...nice suggestion...shall apply to FB :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 10:57

    @Sudoku...

    ah thanks for reminding...i shall update my resume to include these virtues as well :P

    ReplyDelete
  36. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 10:58

    @Balquis...

    thanks for liking..yes i guess it was tough for the panel to decide..but still i am hopeful :P

    ReplyDelete
  37. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 10:59

    @Princess Fiona...

    how can i disappoint a princess? :P i am glad you liked it... these days i cannot find much time to write so uploading these random things :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:00

    @Crystal...

    yes more or less 500 per day :) :P

    ReplyDelete
  39. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:02

    @Suvaiba...

    naw naw.. woh to u ka copyright hai how can i write it in my own resume? :P

    Dhaneval... :) thanks for liking :)and yes i am thinking about applying for a FB job :) lets see

    ReplyDelete
  40. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:03

    @inpsector Saahab..

    thanks so much for liking it... and i say you expect too much sir :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:03

    @Sadiya merchant...

    welcome back :)

    yes i now realized may be i was over qualified :P

    ReplyDelete
  42. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:04

    @Shreya...

    thanks for liking :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:05

    @jyoti Mishra...

    thanks for liking...:)

    but what can one day? i mean one can increase ones qualification but how to decrease? :P

    ReplyDelete
  44. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:07

    @Madhulika...

    :) so you still think like is not unfair to me? very bad of you :P hahaha... i am glad you liked it :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:08

    @Dave King...

    as usual u summed it up wonderfully :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:09

    @Deborah...

    thanks for reading and liking :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:10

    @Basharat Ali...

    welcome back...

    yes see even after studying in such quality institutions i am still jobless :( :P

    ReplyDelete
  48. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:11

    Shahan Rao...

    thank you thank you :) I am glad you are back...and you liked it :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:11

    @Ria...

    thank you thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:13

    @Nasnin Nasser...

    Khaali khopri shaitan ka ghar hai :P so maybe thats why these kind of ideas come into my mind :P

    yes i guess thats as far as i can remember...there could be an error of + or - 1% :)

    and i am glad ..you comments are always motivating and encouraging :)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:16

    @maria almas..


    thank you.. :)
    so you think it is impressive naw?
    yes yes i know you cant compete with me in sms/mms :P

    ah..Pluto is a good idea...i heard there are lots of diamonds in Pluto :)


    thanks for appreciating my little efforts...
    and the blog would not have been possible without the support of its contributors :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:17

    @Pygmalion...

    hahaha...thanks for liking... i meant i do not have a paid job :P

    ReplyDelete
  53. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:18

    @Tariq Mian...

    hahaha...yup i liked the idea..but see for that kind of job...the resume will be different..which i cannot have... certain years of experience in corruption is must before applying so... :) and maybe there would be then a resume-gate :P

    ReplyDelete
  54. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:20

    @mayen...

    thank you thank you :)

    i am glad that at least there are some people who would hire me :P i wish you have a company of your own soon so that you can hire others like me :)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:22

    @Sujatha Satya...

    i am glad you read it seriously :) and i am glad you read the resume seriously otherwise how would have you known my virtues :P

    so you think i was over qualified naw? :) how to decrease that?


    yes karib karib baaraah hazar...and only 100 accepted :( the acceptance ration is very low here :( ask mishi.. :P

    ReplyDelete
  56. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:25

    @Nisha..

    you are absolutely right... one cannot get anything without luck... and as you mentioned when we see such people on such posts, every hope vanishes... i know a lot of these kind of people...but in the end whats the point in getting everything with deception?why not start robbing and theiving? after all there is only conscience inside us and if we cant face it then what the point in life?

    thanks for wishing me... and i wish you the same :)

    ReplyDelete
  57. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:29

    @Andy...

    thank you my friend for liking :)

    yes i guess the employers are afraid thats why they dont offer me a job :( :P

    yes i think i should think of building my own empire and then i will give jobs to people purely on merit and exceptional resumes :p

    i am glad our blod does not disappoint you :) and thanks for liking the profile pic... :)

    ah... i found many and proposed..but the problem is that none accepted me :( so the quest is on :P

    ReplyDelete
  58. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:31

    @Zeba..

    shukrya janab... :)

    haw mere khyal me itne friend req to aj tak kisi ne send nahi kiye honge aur phir bh just 100 friends :( :P
    dekh le... is ke bawajood bh mujhe job nahi mil rahi :( hadd hai naw? :P

    who says you cannot write in URDU? i dare say you should be posting in URDU... it will be nice to read something in URDU from you :) and i am glad you liked it...means a lot to me...

    ReplyDelete
  59. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:35

    @kiran shah...

    hahaha..i never thought of that like dr.adian..yes sure may be the employers are afraid of my qualification :P



    yes that happens all of the time in todays world that one do not get what one deserves..but life is not always fair :(

    ReplyDelete
  60. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:36

    @kiran shah...

    ah...that was just an approximate calculation... maybe there is a little chance of error :P

    i am glad you enjoyed it :)

    ReplyDelete
  61. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:52

    @the butterfly effect...

    yes i think thats it..everything happens for a reason...but we humans are impatient... :)

    yes i will do as told by you :)

    ReplyDelete
  62. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:53

    @the butterfly effect...


    sigh...yes i am still jobless :P

    ReplyDelete
  63. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:54

    @Hypercryptical...

    thanks for liking it... :) i am glad you liked it... :)

    ah..thanks for your offer.. :) yes sure when you will get enough donations to set up a company then do hire me :P
    you are too much...hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  64. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 11:59

    @anonymous...

    sorry i said @ sudoku ... woh zehan me tha so whai type hogya :( :)

    ReplyDelete
  65. the butterfly effect16 December 2011 at 12:51

    may Allah bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 14:45

    @the butterfly effect...

    Ameen... and to you too :)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Cяystal16 December 2011 at 20:21

    What's with your display picture? Scientists freak me out. >_<

    ReplyDelete
  68. Jyoti Mishra16 December 2011 at 20:22

    Don't go there... why on earth u want that :P

    ReplyDelete
  69. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 21:43

    @Crystal...

    oh no...my bad luck :P

    ReplyDelete
  70. Misterio Vida16 December 2011 at 21:45

    @jyoti mishra...

    dont go where?

    ReplyDelete
  71. Jyoti Mishra17 December 2011 at 10:21

    don't go for decreasing the qualifications :P

    ## but what can one day? i mean one can increase ones qualification but how to decrease? :P ##

    ReplyDelete
  72. Misterio Vida17 December 2011 at 17:19

    @Jyoti Mishra...

    haha..okay i will not decrease it :) :P

    ReplyDelete
  73. MAHNOOR17 December 2011 at 19:16

    LOLLLLLLLLLLLL.

    keep it up. :P

    ReplyDelete
  74. Misterio Vida17 December 2011 at 20:00

    @MAHNOOR...


    welcome back...
    yes sure i shall :)

    ReplyDelete
  75. secret agent woman18 December 2011 at 05:33

    The frieed to friend request ratio cracked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Misterio Vida18 December 2011 at 18:11

    @secret agent woman...

    yes this is the sad part :P

    ReplyDelete
  77. Anonymous19 December 2011 at 10:54

    I really thought this was some kind of serious post with statistics and all. But these stats, I like. A very impressive resume indeed. :D

    ReplyDelete
  78. Misterio Vida19 December 2011 at 11:01

    @Jyothi...

    welcome to our blog...

    i am glad you liked it...and unfortunately the real situation is no different in this world...

    hope for the better :)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Lydia20 December 2011 at 10:45

    This is clever and hilarious, Muhammad! I might post it on my FB later on. :)

    ReplyDelete
  80. Misterio Vida20 December 2011 at 23:33

    @Lydia...

    i am really honoured by the gesture :)

    ReplyDelete
  81. S. Mahnoor Shah26 December 2011 at 00:51

    Omg You should definitely have a job with such a faantastic resume... :P

    ReplyDelete
  82. S. Mahnoor Shah26 December 2011 at 00:52

    Fantastic*

    ReplyDelete
  83. Almas Kiran Shamim29 December 2011 at 11:10

    lol :p this was toooo good :) i really thought ki kuchh kaam ka likh rahe ho. . . You know 'social issues' types :p

    ReplyDelete
  84. Misterio Vida30 December 2011 at 09:44

    @S. Mahnoor Shah...

    ah..thank you so much that you considered me eligible for a job :)

    ReplyDelete
  85. Misterio Vida30 December 2011 at 09:45

    @S. Mahnoor Shah...

    Faaantastic was ok too :) thanks for reading and liking :)

    ReplyDelete
  86. Misterio Vida30 December 2011 at 09:46

    @jalpari...

    welcome back after a long time... hahaha ...no kaam ka likhna me ne band kardia hai :P

    now that you are full fledged doctor, you have restricted your blog page so that i cannot comment on any post :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

    ReplyDelete

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