The Incredible Adventures of a Fashion Guru

It was around noon on Christmas Day last year. The weather was particularly pleasant that Sunday. In the Country Club, some kids and youngsters were trying their skills at the newly installed mountain hiking point. In the ground the boys were playing cricket and in the lawn at a little distance from the barbeque stall were sitting a a few girls. They were in a cheerful mood, gossiping and capturing the memories in their mobile phones while sipping their tea. In the midst of all this, there was a mysterious group of serious looking people dressed in black. The ladies in the group were not in black but they were equally serious and looking at their boss at the head of the table. Who were they? What were they doing dressed so formally in the club on a Sunday? And then to the horror of all, there in the middle of the group was one person who was the complete antithesis of the rest, dressed in the informal Shalwar-Kameez.  Was this some kind of a meeting of the shareholders with the board of directors? Or may be a mafia family? It was surely not a funeral. The people gathered around this mysterious group.  

We were invited to Sunday brunch by our boss. Well, for me a brunch on a Sunday was an informal gathering. And hence, I dressed for the occasion accordingly, in informal attire. In fact it was not informal but the sort which is worn in every sort of gatherings in part of the world from where I come. But I was in for a shock. The remaining members of the entourage were dressed in suits. And mind you there were some 50 people invited! Anyways, we reached the venue and I was satisfied that everybody there, except our group, was their informal selves and enjoying their Sunday. Seated, we started our brunch. And the person in the group that was casually dressed, not having an iota of fashion sense was me. Had I been into fashion, Messrs Armani and Versace would have had some serious competition.

I was thinking why the other members of the group were dressed so formally. And I knew they were cursing me for the reasons completely opposite. All was well until the pictures were uploaded by somebody on the web. And it was Fatima, scolding me as to why had I dressed so casually? I tried to explain but she was of the opinion that since the invitation was from the boss so one had to be dressed formally. She agreed with me that dark suits were too much but I was not dressed to the occasion. And it was then and there that I decided to dress well for the next gathering.

I did not have to wait for long as there was a Walima or marriage banquet after a couple of weeks and I was invited. Well the normal thing here is that people dress formally, usually in office suits, especially black coats and neckties  (not bow-ties) on such occasions. But I thought I should go the extra mile and dress differently. I searched the market and bought a tuxedo and especially spent two days in search of a bow-tie. I reached the venue at the given time dressed in black. Now for those of you who are not familiar with the traditions I would like to explain to you what it is like. On the centre stage, the bride and the bridegroom are seated. You can imagine it like the unveiling of a new statue at Madam Tussauds. Usually, facing the stage on the left side are seated males and on the right are females. I always wonder why females are always on the right side. Depending on the families, there may or may not be a partition between the two sections. So, there I was. And I had success almost immediately as I entered the hall and all the gazes were fixed on me. Or so I thought.

Fashion Guru

The week immediately before the event, I memorized and practiced the necessary dialogues for the evening. Standing there for a few minutes, I heard someone saying excuse me. I turned around and was tempted to say, “The name is Bond, James Bond” but there was nobody. Perhaps, I was imagining too much. At the opposite section, there were few well dressed girls looking at me. Yes I guessed it was me whom they were staring at. And they were whispering and laughing. I knew what they were thinking. Perhaps who would gather the courage to go and talk to this well-dressed man? Perhaps ask for a phone number and then going out to a dinner? I was in confusion whether to refuse them or not. Then I thought the hero never refuses and so I whispered the required dialogue to myself. But for the moment, I was pretending to ignore that group. Let the dinner come and we could talk.

And then the moment arrived for which we all were gathered that night. Yes, the time of dinner. It was buffet. And I went to the eating area holding a plate in my hand when somebody almost screamed in my ears. Turning towards the voice, I nearly fainted. There was some 300 pounds of human meat haphazardly stuffed into a suit. On the second look, I realized it was a living human being. He screamed again, “Man, are you deaf? Get me water”. I politely obeyed. As soon as I handed him glass of water, another voice shouted, “Give me a Sprite”. And then another voice with a spoon, a plate, a fork and there was no end to this. I was astonished what was happening. And then I saw few other “agents from the KGB” dressed like me and serving the guests. I could not believe my eyes. These were the waiters of the catering company. In 10 seconds, I had swiftly fallen from a Hollywood celebrity to a waiter. And to this day, I have no idea how I managed to come back to my room that night.

P.S. The title of Fashion Guru was given to me by Fatima. actually she said that I was Mr. So and so. The name was of the owner of a famous fashion house but I forgot.

P.S. S. Regarding the request for guest posts made in the last post, I am yet to receive any entry from any of you. And I am very disappointed.