The Way You Make Me Feel

So this was it. The moment of break up. Between me and her. Those of you who are or have been in some kind of relationship in your lives will know what it feels like. If I say it hurts, it will be an understatement. The heartache, the emptiness, the rage. It is like a complete black out in one’s life. In fact, it is like you no more want her to be alive. And I am sure she will be feeling the same but since she does not have a blog so we will never know. So the moment arrived for us after what I feel like decades of relationship.

Like many people going along the life's way, we both were in a kind of a relationship. I know I am not good at embodying emotions and scribbling of my thoughts with ink on a canvas. And I don’t know what that relationship can be called. If I were as eloquent in prose as a Mishi or a Zeba, I would have put it into a random classic. But all I can say is it was very deep. We used to see each other on daily basis. Sundays or weekdays, rainy or sunny days, there was almost no holiday for us, except when I would go to home in vacations. It was like when I would enter the room I would find her like waiting for me. We never had conversations. But sometimes silence is louder than words. She understood the unsaid words that I wanted to say and I think I understood her expressive silence. 

After a long time when I came back, she was still there. But there was a lot of change. She was a lot fairer in complexion since the time I left her. I would never know if it was due to Fair & Lovely or did she go to the First Avenue? And then she was a bit grown. I thought it is because of meeting her after a long time so she seems to have changed. And who knows if she was thinking the same about me? I couldn't believe. How can one change so much in such a little time? All seemed so hypercryptical. Perhaps I should have sent her picture to Lydia as a postcard and she would have explained it like her old postcards, but unfortunately I couldn't. One day, I was asleep when something awoke me. As Hanna Bint Alvi puts it:

Soft touch of your fingers

Dancing on my body,

Making ripples in my heart…

Afraid, I left the bed and slept on the floor that night with my eyes half opened. And she haunted my thoughts even in the stillness of dawn.

On another occasion, I was lying on my bed and she was there, in front of me, staring, with eyes about which Lady Fiona would have written something, but I can just say her eyes were mesmerizing, like pearls in the darkness. Probably she wanted to tell me something. Or maybe beneath the butterfly effect, she was asking something. I never knew. I was afraid to ask. I tried different things. Balqis would have described that in her haiku:

Late at night, alone

Inspirations poke at me

Ideas shuffling

But she was unmoved. My condition was like a hopelessly cluttered soul. Probably she was not in a mood for my little chit chat. Had I been as suave as  Dave King in poetry, I would have tried some more romance and poetry but alas, I am not. If I were an Almas, I would have tried a sonnet. I am but a poor student and that too of science, devoid of any literary sense and humour, with a total repertoire of 300-odd words in my armoury most of which are in languages that are more related to ancient Hebrew than to modern English. And to make the matters worse, I had never been in a situation like this before. Hence, I knew I would make a complete mess of it. I gave up my random scribblings.

That was only after a friend of mine told me things about her which I never knew before. She was dangerous and mean and can harm me. I did not believe him so I checked it out on the Internet and unfortunately everything about her was there, true. Now that it is crystal clear to me that her raison d'etre is no more, what are my options? I think the least I can do is to kick her out of my life. Or may be with a little courage I can kill her? Even that is difficult for me. So I think I should probably kick her out of my room. You may think that I have a stone heart, but you can make an exception right? And while thinking about my options and writing, she is still there on the ceiling just above my bed listening to some exciting songs that I play and staring at me. Probably she knows what I am thinking. Her escapade is over. For too long I have been tolerating her teen tantrums. Lets hope she gets the signal and leave me after remaining part of my lifestyle for so long. She is the Geckho, my room lizard.

P.S. Gecko is the favourite of Fatima and she intends to have it as a pet. So sorry if i hurt your feelings, Fatima! Yeh Life hai...Take it lightly :P

P.P.S. I follow a lot of blogs and have learned a lot of things from you people. And there are many readers, who follow my blog, and your support and comments keep my blog going. I apologize to those of you whom links i couldn't accommodate in this post. But you are as important as the ones I included here. I will link the rest of the bloggers in some other post. Thank you for your continued support.

(This was written for a writing competition on a website suggested to me by Shama. But after writing, when I read the conditions, I felt it was not fit for the competition so I just posted it here)