Monday, August 22, 2011

An Open Letter From a Thief


Last week I received a letter from, well, a thief. I am no journalist and don’t know what to make of it. He/she has asked me to convey their message to the common citizens. As I have no idea what to do, so here I am posting the letter verbatim. Hope you people can help.

Dear countrymen and women (aka awaam)

I don’t know from where I should start. I am a professional thief and have the rare distinction of belonging to a family which has been thieving for generations. But today I am representing all the thieves of the sub-continent, all my brothers-in-art. We have been serving (stealing from) you people for centuries. There is a long list of our achievements. For example, after completing your prayers at the local mosque, you were searching for your chappals  but could not find. Yes it was us behind that little joke with you. Yes it was me who caught and sold all your hens from our mohallah. And yes it was I who would steal parathas from your lunch box at school. Well, I can go on and on but I think this is enough of an introduction and to remind you people of our worth in the society. And you, the university freshman, how can you explain the pocket-money spent on that cell phone you gave to your girlfriend? Even that we didn’t steal it, still you use our name when your parents asked about it. And you the banker, how would you explain the misappropriation of money if we were not there? And you policewalas, how can you run a family on your own salary if we do not supplement your income?




I am writing this letter to you because I know the Chief Justice cannot give us justice (in a short while you will know why). I cannot expect anything from our politicians because they are also involved. Even they claim to be our cousins but they have not formulated a single law for our relief. Hopeless bunch they are. Same is the case with the bureaucracy. So you are the only hope and I expect you will consider our problems sympathetically and will surely help us in this hour of need.  Following are some of the problems threatening our very existence and I want to sensitize you people about these:

By any definition, thieving is an art plus science. But presently, there is no credible database for us. Only the local police stations have some record of us in their No. 10 lists but these too are outdated and I know quite of few legendary thieves in those databases even after decades of their death. So our request is that it should be considered as a profession just like any other profession and a body be formed which accredit thieves and based on performance, there should be a service structure and promotion. Moreover, every scale should have a limit on how much one can steal and if somebody transgresses, he should be punished by forcing him/her to spend a certain amount of time like a common citizen.

The second problem is that since there is a lack of awareness in the media and the people, every tom, dick and harry is labeled is a thief. Moreover, the Chief Justice is hell-bent on proving all corrupts as thieves. This is preposterous. In reality, there are very few noble thieves left in the country and it is a disgrace to them if you label every corrupt person as a thief. As I said earlier, it is an art plus science, so how can these corrupt politicians be termed as thieves if they are caught every now and then with their loot? I request the media and you people to please stop insulting us by calling everybody thief.

The third problem is that we qualify as an endangered species and therefore, we should be provided protection. At least there should be one university specializing in our field. Otherwise, this essential part of our culture will be lost forever and our future generations would never know what a real thief is.

The fourth problem is that due to the increased security especially in mosques, we are unable to earn our livelihood with respect. The guards should be strictly told that they should look for terrorists and hence they have no business stopping us from stealing a few pair of shoes from the mosques. Similarly, there is an increase in the trend that the people keep their shoes in their front while praying which is tantamount to depriving us from our rightful business.  And the drug-addicts are posing as thieves bringing disrepute to our noble profession.

Since, the holy month of Ramadan is going on and also the Eid is coming, so I hope you people will ponder over the risks faced by us. As they say, you scratch my back and I scratch yours. Otherwise we would be forced to quit our profession and live like the common citizens. And that will be a great loss to everybody in the society.

Thievingly Yours


P.S.  Please! Stop calling your president as a thief. We still have some self-respect left in ourselves and we cannot tolerate this kind of humiliation to our profession.

101 comments:

  1. power plate work israr... it is breathtaking article !

    i am speechless in front of this thief he is absolutely right and his demands and all four major problems should be bring under consideration............ a silent message to evryone need to feel and make our inners alive.

    thanks israr for sharing such a receptive piece of writing its really a nerve impulse stimulator enlighting the thoughts towards the fact of our society.

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  2. hahahaha its really a merry hilarious blog,,,the points which he raised against us clarify that the writer of the letter is not a lay-thief but a pedagogue in this profession,,,,, But I dont agree with his suggestion to have a training institute to protect this endanger strain of homo sapiens, I think he should't be worried about. Coz this mixture of art and science is encoded in our genome now.... and by recalling some nice statements which were issued by our leaders like one of PPP MNA and Pir pagara in support of this doctrine,,,,, where one of them said "corruption pe hamara haq nahi sirf dosron ka he" and pir sab said "jo ziada lotmar karay ga me os ka saathi hon"......... so he should be satisfied that there is no need of such institutes now,,,, even the real education institutes r helping them a lot,,,,, and if you dont believe then open Virology journal for a while,,,,,,,,,,,,,lolzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  3. lolz such an interesting and hollarius post.. specially the self respect part...:-) chief justice should consider their case and we should declare them as endangred species..:-D

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  4. A fascinating read! Thievery is undoubtedly one of the oldest 'professions' everywhere!

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  5. hahahahah Ah interesting... thanks for sahring :)
    pondering upon president...*roll eyes*

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  6. @great work Israr, u discussed a bitter reality in such an interesting way. We all should take care about that, theives also have some self respect.... Keep on sharing ur fantastic views..-p

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  7. Very humorous and interesting read, indeed ~ lol! Now I definitely won't forget that thievery is an 'art plus science' :D Thank you for sharing :)

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  8. WOW.. This is one thief who is very good in english.. lol.. Must be some educated guy who cant (or wont, as he points out) get a job..

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  9. I loved this! .... a brilliant post :o)

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  10. LOL wonderful post...

    Makes us think and laugh at the same time..

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  11. Nice bit of satire, even though I admit I don't fully understand the politics behind it.

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  12. A nice read... loved the hidden sarcasm :)

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  13. hahaha...........very nice bro.
    Yes we are insulting thievry by calling our politicians and bureaucrates thieves although they are not capable.

    keep sharing the chain of blockbuster posts.

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  14. hahahahahaha Aala ! loved it Israr..will share it on my fb:-)

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  15. I did not realize that even polite people now have to resort to theft. So Sad.

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  16. hahahahahaha wow its just simply rocking. I loved it really its awsome! loved the last lines specially... u know what u can give it to some newspaper or something like us magzine or what so ever and i m 100% sure u will have it published! Bravo!

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  17. hahaaa...interesting read....you kept things so simple with such a serious msg behind it.

    Nice post.

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  18. LOL....this is really hilarious! You could write so well about the profession of a thief. Loved this post. :)

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  19. the chief is revived but not the justice!!!

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  20. Awesome post!
    You gained a new follower.

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  21. absolutely loved the premise of this post n totally enjoyed the thief letter :))
    cheers

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  22. @all...
    i am sorry for replying so late to your comments... i appreciate you people spent your precious time reading my post and commented...so its a moral obligation to reply your comments...but i must tell you that the internet connection these days is less than ideal and usually my posts are scheduled...moreover have flu, soar throat and what not!!! hope you didnt mind :)

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  23. @almas...
    thank you so much for liking my post... i wanted to do something funny but see it got out of hand and ended this way :p
    yes it reflects the whole state of our society and the problems that we face as a nation... hope for the better :)

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  24. @adian...
    you are right dear... there is no need for a separate institute as everyone of us is somehow adept to some extent in this art... everyone of us is contributing to the destruction of this nation according to his/her own power... no hope with politicians either...
    but still everything may not be lost... will share something different on next monday... stay tuned :)

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  25. @anonymous...
    indeed everybody got a self-respect..and nobody should be insulted :) yes i think the chief justice should take notice :) thanks for liking....

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  26. @mary...
    yes indeed its one of the oldest...even though there is a constant change in the skills required :)

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  27. @shama...
    thanks for liking... sssssshhhh...he can listen :P

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  28. @kiran...
    yes everyone of us can relate to it... sorry state of affairs...do read next monday and may be there is still some hope :0

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  29. @lady fiona...
    yes definitely an art plus science..or rather the most sophisticated and lethal art :)

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  30. @sa'dia...
    yes nowadays thieves have their own standards of education and unlike some other places, there is no scope of bogus degrees in this profession :P

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  31. @priyanka...
    yes as charlie chaplin said that comedy is tragedy in the long run :)

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  32. @secret agent...
    never mind...i am glad that you enjoyed it from your own point of view :)

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  33. @jyoti...
    thanks for liking...im glad you saw the hidden message :)

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  34. @basharat...
    thanks bro...yes politicians and bureaucrats are incapable...they wont do anything...keep visiting every monday :)

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  35. @mishi...
    thanks for liking...i wish i could see your fb share :P

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  36. @munir...
    nowadays only the polites can thieve... the bad guys have found much more lucrative businesses :)

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  37. @rosette princess...
    thank you so much for liking it... the thing is that i did try to send some of my posts to newspapers but they wont publish it and thats why i started this blog...can post anything anytime... the newspapers here will publish something only if its about any of this topics (taliban, cia, anti-isi, anti-army, anti-ppp, gay-lesbian rights, beard and hijab bashing) so i gave up sending them anything.. :) anyhow thanks you made me feel much better :)

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  38. @irfan..
    thanks dear you liked it...yes the most important things in live are often the simplest :)

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  39. @balqis...
    thanks for liking...if you call it so well then i m glad :) yes living amongst thieves for years, one can write a lot more :)

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  40. @kiran ashraf...
    awesome ... such a great philosophy in a single line!!!!

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  41. @maryam...
    thanks for liking...welcome to the club :)

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  42. @sujhatha...
    thanks you enjoyed it... keep visiting every monday :)

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  43. See, we still have honest thieves who confess honestly and are of the opinion that thieves have rights to.
    As some thieves are nobles so the corrupt people should not be labelled as thieves as it breaks the rights of noble thieves.
    What a logic here!

    ******Muhammad Israr I do admit here that you have six star creativity enough to be appreciated.

    Keep up your good work and BTW don't forget to visit my blog.

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  44. LOL... very interesting post. It is true, we should not disgrace the thieves by labeling corrupt politicians as thieves.

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  45. Sarcastic but so true ! Sharing a joke :

    Breaking News : For better services, Swiss bank* to open ATM services in Tihar Jail** !

    * Swiss Bank holds the black money for Indian Politicians
    ** Tihar Jail is India's biggest Jail, also lodging the all time most corrupt politicians like Suresh Kalmadi, Kanimozi, A Raja amongst others!

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  46. Wow. That's an interesting take on this topic.

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  47. I think this is someone having a joke, and it is a rather funny and clever one! :) Thanks for posting.

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  48. @Tariq...
    thank you soooooo much for liking my writings.... yes everybody has rights and sooner or later these thieves are gonna have their rights too :)

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  49. @pradeepa...
    exactly...only if the politicians have a wee bit of morality left... :)

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  50. @jyoti...
    lol..that is some joke...hillarious... why couldnt i think of this atm idea? :P

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  51. @zeba..
    thanks..im glad you liked it :)

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  52. @jenny...
    yes it is sadly funny... and thanks for liking :)

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  53. Fabulous take on a serious topic. Thanks for sharing!

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  54. @ameena...
    thanks for liking it... i think its time for a serious take on a serious topic? :P

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  55. OMG!!! YoU WRITE SOOO well!!!! :O wow.. wow .. wow!! Thanks for your comments in my blog ^_^

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  56. @ananya...
    thank you soooo much... :)
    and thanks for you comments on my blog too :) :) :)

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  57. I saw your comment at kj's blog and thought I would visit your blog. Your profile page is intriguing...you have varied and some surprising interests. I enjoyed it.
    This post was a fascinating one to be my first to read at your blog. It tells me that you are a fine writer who sees and interprets his world truthfully and also with a perfect twist of irony. I enjoyed this glimpse into the mosque, also.
    I hope you are feeling much better...no more sore throat.

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  58. @Lydia..
    wow...thats some awesome comment from you... yes profile must reflect the blog title..Mystery :)
    welcome to our blog... i hope you enjoyed this post and will return every week to read more :) I am thankful that you see a writer in me :)
    P.S. yes thanks i am feeling much better... :)

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  59. Are you kidding me??? Someone had a vivid imagination to write it!

    Thanks for stopping by on my blog! I am glad you like my posts:)

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  60. Thank you for your visit to my (second) blog that I do not maintain regularly! I invite you to visit my main blog, Writerquake. In my old postcard Wednesday post this week I wrote about a lake that was once a part of a huge Pleistocene lake.

    In comments following that post we had a conversation about the indigenous peoples of the area, and I mentioned that I had just viewed the excellent tv showing of The Journey of Man. This comes to mind again now, meeting you because the genetics host of the documentary said that it could not have been produced 15 years ago. The science has grown that rapidly. I was amazed and very excited by the program.

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  61. @mademoiselle...
    lolz...yes some had...but i think the most imaginative people in the world must be thieves :)

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  62. @Lydia...
    well i thought the one with the latest post is your main blog...sorry there :) i will visit your primary blog as well :) following you there....
    yes science has advanced a few notches in the last few years... but humanity didnt....anyways...sometimes i write about science and technology as well...hope you find those posts worthy of reading :)

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  63. awesome! :)

    I REALLY REALLY REALLY ENJOYED READING IT!

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  64. Hahahahahaha! XD Don't call the President a thief, we still have some self-respect left in ourselves.... that was EPIC.

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  65. hahahahahaha awesome piece...the quasi politeness in the thieves tone is amazing..hahaha loved the satire:) <3

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  66. @Ridx...
    thanks for liking :) i hope you come back to enjoy more on our blog :)

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  67. @aasiyah...
    thanks you so much for reading and commenting... and ssssshhhhh....somebody will listen you :P

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  68. @the floodgate..
    thanks for visiting...yes as times have changed and we have entered the so-called civilization, the thieves also changed and became polite :)

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  69. Sigh! How come I did not know that such a blog existed....very well narrated, written....poor thief, i wish i could help :)

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  70. Omg this was amazing...awesome read...perfect humor... you should actually post this some place, where everyone can read... :D

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  71. @chintan...
    thank you so much... thanks for appreciating our blog... yes it is kind of existing :P :) and may be the thief will be happy if he/she can read your comments :)

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  72. @confused soul...
    thank you for liking my efforts :)
    well everybody can read our blog..its public :) if you meant to post it to some newspaper etc...i am sure they have more pressing topics to publish :( no hope there

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  73. Hahaha. Cannot stop laughing at the satire.

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  74. This is a brilliant post... I know its written in a slightly humorous way but its also very thought provoking!

    p.s - thanks for the comment on my blog! :)

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  75. Fabulous attempt for elaborating significant info, problems and their cure as far as Thieving is concerned by you Israr Buddy, Dashing and rocking! It’s the only way to teach the defiant personalities (Big Crocs) of our Government machinery in order to make them embarrass for their good deeds 
    Time came to ponder over sophisticated thieves’ activities for betterment of all of us in terms of development of society. Need to update the database in the systems installed in jails and prisons. Reason behind is that we all know Monsters are always fatal… Do write more on comments of our Baluchistan Chief Minister’s statement, “Degree Degree hoti hae chaey asli ho ya jali”, Point taken!
    In the end, pardon for late in coming up with comments, mostly busy in Aitekaf, Yes with my father not with myself 

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  76. Amazing and surprising!!!

    Buddy where are my comments?? I just posted them a little while earlier, now when I look for your remarks, I am usable to see my comments, vanished :(((

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  77. @A
    Thanks for liking... :-)@A
    Thanks for liking... :-)

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  78. @Sarah...
    Thanks that u liked it :-)@Sarah...
    Thanks that u liked it :-)

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  79. @thegirlatfirst...
    Thanks that u liked it...yes it is a serious topic bt I have tried to raise it in a lighter way... And welcome:-)

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  80. :-D@atif...
    Yes buddy u r v.v.v late:@
    May Allah accept ur dad's aitekaf and all our prayers. Ameen.

    Yes bt only if our politicians have any self respect left in them.
    The prison and all the criminal justice system and police need a complete overhaul. As far as the comments of CM are concerned, yes it is a very interesting topic and I do intend to write on it but on the other hand I have decided to keep politics and sectarianism and ethnicity away frm our blog so the CM can enjoy for the moment:-D
    As u have noticed in ur numerous audit assignments that so many people were emezlng the money bt were caught by u ppl coz they were no profesnl thieves and lacked the required skills :-D

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  81. @atif.. .
    Yes its surprising. Sometimes coments are autmtcly labld as spam and not publshd. Maybe u were late so blog punishd u :-P
    Hope u cn see ur fab coments along my reply:-)

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  82. Thanks for visiting my blog dear!
    Do you want to follow each other? :D
    let me know!!

    http://sofiehn.blogspot.com/

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  83. @ Israr buddy!

    Thanks a lot that at last I am being able to see my comments right after your reply.. It's all about you, and it can be a maxim, "Whenever any faulty equipment/machine see that my specialist is in front of me, it gets automatically repaired" ;)

    Hence punishment accepted in this way..:) You can touch the topic of His Highness CM as what he said in the past can be written in the Golden Words you know ;) and a professional orator like you can discuss such things in very solid words. You can avoid ethnicity and politics just in the same manner like you did in this topic (Thieves can be perceived in variety of different perceptions)... I am sure you got my point.. :-P

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  84. A very clever amusing piece of writing with a touch of truth.

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  85. @sm...
    Thanks for reading and liking :-)

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  86. @sofie...
    I am following ur blog "Your princess is in another castle" for the last many days and I enjoy it.
    If you enjoy reading our blog, u follow, otherwise no problem with me:-)
    P.S. thanks for visiting our blog:-)

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  87. @atif...
    Okay buddy. If I can think of something intresting about the CM, I wil post it here. Or may be I should post my papr in wich I gave a reference of CM?:-Pthe CM, I wil post it here. Or may be I should post my papr in wich I gave a reference of CM?:-P

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  88. @marja...
    Im glad that u liked it:-)@marja...
    Im glad that u liked it:-)

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  89. What next, a letter from all corrupt people looking to institutionalize corruption? :) LOL Thought provoking article, though.

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  90. ha ha. very hilarious post and at the same time brings out some rare true facts! Seriously... what's next?

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  91. @ES...
    welcome to our blog... thanks for reading and liking :)
    i have no idea what will be next? may be the politicians should reply to it? only time will tell :)

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  92. @shruti...
    thanks for reading and liking :)
    seriously i have no idea :( ... maybe somebody would respond to this letter...will see if someone send me something, i will definitely share it with you people :)

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  93. Thank you so much for dropping by me blog.Right now i am in a hurry so ill drop by again...read a bit abt the thief and so far all i think is that the thief really has some guts to write this..

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  94. @sannaxx...
    welcome to our blog...yes i hope you will come back and read the whole story and the new ones too :)

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  95. amusing but yet there are great values instilled in it.

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  96. @inspector Saahab...

    thanks ..i am glad you liked it :) keep visiting...

    ReplyDelete

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