Monday, May 07, 2012

The Incredible Adventures of a Fashion Guru


It was around noon on Christmas Day last year. The weather was particularly pleasant that Sunday. In the Country Club, some kids and youngsters were trying their skills at the newly installed mountain hiking point. In the ground the boys were playing cricket and in the lawn at a little distance from the barbeque stall were sitting a a few girls. They were in a cheerful mood, gossiping and capturing the memories in their mobile phones while sipping their tea. In the midst of all this, there was a mysterious group of serious looking people dressed in black. The ladies in the group were not in black but they were equally serious and looking at their boss at the head of the table. Who were they? What were they doing dressed so formally in the club on a Sunday? And then to the horror of all, there in the middle of the group was one person who was the complete antithesis of the rest, dressed in the informal Shalwar-Kameez.  Was this some kind of a meeting of the shareholders with the board of directors? Or may be a mafia family? It was surely not a funeral. The people gathered around this mysterious group.  


We were invited to Sunday brunch by our boss. Well, for me a brunch on a Sunday was an informal gathering. And hence, I dressed for the occasion accordingly, in informal attire. In fact it was not informal but the sort which is worn in every sort of gatherings in part of the world from where I come. But I was in for a shock. The remaining members of the entourage were dressed in suits. And mind you there were some 50 people invited! Anyways, we reached the venue and I was satisfied that everybody there, except our group, was their informal selves and enjoying their Sunday. Seated, we started our brunch. And the person in the group that was casually dressed, not having an iota of fashion sense was me. Had I been into fashion, Messrs Armani and Versace would have had some serious competition.

I was thinking why the other members of the group were dressed so formally. And I knew they were cursing me for the reasons completely opposite. All was well until the pictures were uploaded by somebody on the web. And it was Fatima, scolding me as to why had I dressed so casually? I tried to explain but she was of the opinion that since the invitation was from the boss so one had to be dressed formally. She agreed with me that dark suits were too much but I was not dressed to the occasion. And it was then and there that I decided to dress well for the next gathering.


I did not have to wait for long as there was a Walima or marriage banquet after a couple of weeks and I was invited. Well the normal thing here is that people dress formally, usually in office suits, especially black coats and neckties  (not bow-ties) on such occasions. But I thought I should go the extra mile and dress differently. I searched the market and bought a tuxedo and especially spent two days in search of a bow-tie. I reached the venue at the given time dressed in black. Now for those of you who are not familiar with the traditions I would like to explain to you what it is like. On the centre stage, the bride and the bridegroom are seated. You can imagine it like the unveiling of a new statue at Madam Tussauds. Usually, facing the stage on the left side are seated males and on the right are females. I always wonder why females are always on the right side. Depending on the families, there may or may not be a partition between the two sections. So, there I was. And I had success almost immediately as I entered the hall and all the gazes were fixed on me. Or so I thought.

Fashion Guru


The week immediately before the event, I memorized and practiced the necessary dialogues for the evening. Standing there for a few minutes, I heard someone saying excuse me. I turned around and was tempted to say, “The name is Bond, James Bond” but there was nobody. Perhaps, I was imagining too much. At the opposite section, there were few well dressed girls looking at me. Yes I guessed it was me whom they were staring at. And they were whispering and laughing. I knew what they were thinking. Perhaps who would gather the courage to go and talk to this well-dressed man? Perhaps ask for a phone number and then going out to a dinner? I was in confusion whether to refuse them or not. Then I thought the hero never refuses and so I whispered the required dialogue to myself. But for the moment, I was pretending to ignore that group. Let the dinner come and we could talk.

And then the moment arrived for which we all were gathered that night. Yes, the time of dinner. It was buffet. And I went to the eating area holding a plate in my hand when somebody almost screamed in my ears. Turning towards the voice, I nearly fainted. There was some 300 pounds of human meat haphazardly stuffed into a suit. On the second look, I realized it was a living human being. He screamed again, “Man, are you deaf? Get me water”. I politely obeyed. As soon as I handed him glass of water, another voice shouted, “Give me a Sprite”. And then another voice with a spoon, a plate, a fork and there was no end to this. I was astonished what was happening. And then I saw few other “agents from the KGB” dressed like me and serving the guests. I could not believe my eyes. These were the waiters of the catering company. In 10 seconds, I had swiftly fallen from a Hollywood celebrity to a waiter. And to this day, I have no idea how I managed to come back to my room that night.




P.S. The title of Fashion Guru was given to me by Fatima. actually she said that I was Mr. So and so. The name was of the owner of a famous fashion house but I forgot.


P.S. S. Regarding the request for guest posts made in the last post, I am yet to receive any entry from any of you. And I am very disappointed. 

64 comments:

  1. - *sighs* tale of both occassions show, you have NO DRESS SENSE! :-p
    its called having no derss sense, not being informal :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha... and i thought i was a fashion guru :P

      i have no "derss" sense :P hadd hai...

      Delete
  2. u b na :)
    its really nice. m thankful for sharing such beautiful objects. m just imagining the respective seen its really funny but innocent ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you boss for reading and liking :) hahaha... you have no idea how it was out there :)

      Delete
  3. hahahaaaa.
    i know u wrote this post acording to ur excelent skill of imagination........... too much funnny, cnt stop laughing....p. and the picture u uploaded is editing but ur writing style is quite different. how can someone write yar u put so many conditions here... i l write something 4 the next post pray 4 me..p.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahah..thanks for reading and liking... well it is part fiction and part reality :) well nobody wears tuxedo here otherwise i love to wear one :)

      and when there is a will there is a way...so one can write even after so many restrictions... waiting...

      Delete
  4. A really interesting post and very creative. You do dress up so well! Glad that you've your photo posted here. :)

    I'm surprised there are human meat in a suit!! LOL...you're hilarious!!

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    Replies
    1. thanks poetess for reading and liking...yes i thought may be i should do a little advertising of myself :P

      hahahaha...yes im sure you have seen such kinds which seems like meat with suits :P

      Delete
  5. yes!
    really good post! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome after a long time...thanks for reading and liking :)

      Delete
  6. hahahahhahah what a fall of the mighty this has been!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. we used to read in junior school that every pride has a fall :P

      Delete
  7. lolzzz bohaat acha hua.. i totally disagree with fatima u should wear shlwar qameez here as well..:-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahah... ab what can one do..when one wears shalwar kamiz, it is called no dressing sense and when one dresses like james bond, again people think its a waiter :P

      Delete
  8. hahahaha very funny and amazing piece.... after read somebody came to my mind who might have done it in real...the one and only Arsala khan,,,,who wore a long necktie with blue jeans in our first ever party in BBt.... hahahaha he used to wear pants with suspenders too ,,, if u remember ;) any how be careful next time while making any style otherwise u have to take some classes with our fashion guru Ihsan almashhoor "hi-neck walay" ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you boss...welcome back after a long long time ... :) you are an original tp hahahahaha..yes i remember exactly that scene... and when you asked them, they replied it is new style...hahaha.. suspenders..i dont remember it man...really? fashion guru is launching new lawn named Diljaley Lawns :P

      Delete
  9. ISRAR!
    Being Fatima’s Fashion Guru, your amazing story of two occasions plus you being dressed up in tuxedo for walima party-- and most of all, reducing you from hero to zero are well entertaining.
    Since you creatively built up this funny tale very skilfully, I must give you 10 out 10.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you sir for reading and liking my little effort... i doubt if fatima still think of me as fashion guru :) but anyhow i learnt that whatever occasion it is, i should take some advice from fatima otherwise i am going to fall from hero to zero :) ....

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. thank you for reading and liking :) i think it has been a long time since you visited us .. :)

      Delete
  11. From what seemed like an inauspicious beginning you have evolved a tale to bemuse and entrance. Quite priceless!

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    Replies
    1. gracias sir... thanks for reading and liking... your words of appreciation are really encouraging :)

      Delete
  12. My friend,
    Is this a mystery? Good job in having your reader's attention. Very well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. its a spy thriller my friend :) i am worried the james bond franchise converting it into another 007 movie :P

      Delete
    2. I'm re-reading this for a second time.
      You are so funny. Quite the storyteller. You do look good in the tux though. Awesome write...keep it up! Pretty soon, I'll be asking for your autograph when you become a famous author!

      Delete
    3. thank you for re reading and coming again to comment :) so nice of you..

      hahaha... sure autographs will be given when the time come :P

      have a nice week... :)

      Delete
  13. i have this issues before...
    its either..im over dressed or underdressed...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so i am not all alone after all :) glad to have company...thanks for reading and liking :)

      Delete
  14. LOL. This was worth reading.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for reading and liking... :)

      Delete
  15. hahahahahahahahaah woww!!! was a realllyy long post but definetly worth the read and i really enjoyed it :p

    p.s. buwhahahahahahahahaha tou kis ne kha tha k waiter ki tarhan tyar ho ;) though i must say k aven itna time aur paise zaya kia apnae iss dress k liye ;)

    p.s.s. AND TEHY SAY ONLY GIRLS SHOP A LOT!!!!!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for reading and liking it...yes by your standard, it is long post :) but i am glad you read it whole... aur how would i know the difference between dressing like james bond and a waiter? hadd hai wese... aur itne bh paise zaya nahi hue...total 500rs ka kharcha hai in Landa bazar :P

      wese i think girls are the reason...whether they shop themselves or make boy do the shopping to impress them :P

      Delete
  16. Excellent tale and enjoyable read. Personally I think you look superb!

    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for reading and liking :) yes i thought i was looking superb but these people did not agree :)

      Delete
  17. Hilarious as always!! Truly a good read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for reading and liking... i am glad you liked it...have a nice week ahead :)

      Delete
  18. Haha someone should have tripped you while you were serving :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha...nobody tipped... i guess people usually dont in wedding functions :)

      Delete
  19. hehehe.... but on the whole you got an experience to serve others as a waiter... ;-p plus point. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha...yes i never thought about it... sure its a plus point and can help one in the future :P

      Delete
  20. Hello! After visiting your blog, I invite you to join us in the "International Directory Blogspot"
    For this is the very simple, just follow our blog, enter your Country, your blog url, and you will automatically integrate into the Country list.
    We are fortunate to be on the Blogspot platform that offers the opportunity to speak to the world to share with us the different passions, fashion, paintings, artwork, photos, poems and so be able to find in other countries people with similar passions.
    I think this community could also interest you.
    Please follow our blog is very appreciate
    Have a great day with the hope that you follow our blog "Directory".
    After your approval to join us, you will receive your badge
    Regards
    Chris
    To find out, click on the link below:
    http://world-directory-sweetmelody.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello from France
    I am very happy to welcome you!
    Your blog is accepted in the PAKISTAN section in a minute!

    On the right side with the books of green! You will find the country with the names of blogs by Country
    The creation of this new blog "directory", allow a rapprochement between different countries, knowledge of different cultures and share traditions.et us different passions, fashion, paintings, crafts, cooking, photography, poetry and so be able to find in different countries in other people with similar passions.
    We are fortunate to be on the Blogspot platform that offers the opportunity to speak to the world.
    The more people and more opportunities that will, yes, I confess, I need people to know this blog!
    You are in some way the Ambassador of this blog and your Country.
    This is not a personal blog, I create for all to enjoy
    It is you also have to make known after your contacts and friends in your blog domain, the success of this blog, depends all Participants.
    So during your next comments with your friends ask them to come in the 'Directory' by joining in joining in our comments:
    *** I am in the directory come join me! http://world-directory-sweetmelody.blogspot.com/ ***
    You want this directory is more important? help me to make it grow
    Your blog is in the list PAKISTAN and I hope this list will grow very quickly
    Regards
    Chris
    We ask that you follow our blog and place a badge of your choice has to know the "directory" to your friends to put on your blog
    http://nsm05.casimages.com/img/2012/03/19/120319072128505749603643.gif
    http://nsm05.casimages.com/img/2012/03/24/1203240217091250289621842.png
    http://nsm05.casimages.com/img/2012/03/26/1203260602581250289633006.gif
    http://nsm05.casimages.com/img/2012/03/28/120328020518505749640557.gif

    If you wish to know the blog of your friends, send me their urls
    I see that you know many people in your country, you can try to get them in the directory?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ooh, got a couple of spambot comments wight above mine - they must have been lured in by your fashionability! :-)

    Seriously, there's something to be said for being an individual.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha...see people are impressed with my fashion sense...i think these are not spam but a blogspot directory and i have joined it :)

      yes i believe one has to keep individuality but people do not agree with me :(

      Delete
  23. Over dressed is always better than under dressed imo =P but I enjoyed reading this story~

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    Replies
    1. point taken... i will try to be overdressed next time :P thanks for reading and liking :)

      Delete
  24. haha.....have you paid tip by anyone bro?????

    by the way you are looking cool in tuxedo and bow tie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no bro...nobody tipped :(

      thanks for appreciating my coolness :P

      Delete
  25. after my long blogging gap checking urs 2day....ur same interesting topics witout reducing a bit thrill u ve formed...nice 2 read frnd...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome back after a long blogging gap...i am glad to have you back on blogger... thanks for reading and liking...keep visiting :)

      Delete
  26. WOW...thats really a 5 star A CLASS work !!! the chemistry of joining sentences with the situation showed your XTRA-ORDINARY command on vocabulary you have outdone yourself .... TWO THUMBS UP !!!!!

    in each post you are figuring out new artistic style of writing FANTASTIC!

    I will agree with Basharat you looking c00L in tuxedo with your old pic editing;P

    wesy shalwar kameez is included in FORMAL WEARS in pakistan even in high officials partiez... ab agr Amrica me dinner ho to alag bat hai ;P

    keep writing and sharing :)
    best wishes :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha...thank you for reading and liking... you still out there in this universe? long time no see :P
      i am glad that there are people out there in this world who think my 300-word vocabulary is extraordinary :p

      ahem... thats what i was thinking when those girls were looking at me, whispering and laughing...but ...:P

      yes you can understand shalwar kameez is formal wear in here but in lahore people do not think so :( ab amreeka me dinner hota then people surely would have recognized the james bond incarnate :P

      keep visiting commenting and writing also... :)

      Delete
  27. and where have you been lost Mr. forensic scientist people are waiting for your precious replies...should we have to submit a TALASH-E-GUMSHUDAGI REPORT to broadcast on PTV after 9pm khabarnama?? :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. people have disappointed me... i was expecting to receive at least 5o guest posts but till this day i have not received a single post! 9pm khbarname me jo cheez ajaye people think its confirmed lie :P

      Delete
  28. I have no idea how you manage to write to good. n I love this story.

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  29. ahan...thanks for reading and liking the story :) i am glad you liked it...keep visiting..have a nice week ahead :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. You have such an amazing wit, and a marvelous way of telling a tale! This was delightful and I must thank you for the good chuckle!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much for reading and liking it :) i am glad it made you chuckle :) have a nice week ahead :)

      Delete
  31. Men look best when they are in formal wear.
    I like the way you tell your stories! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha... yes thats what i thought..in my imagination i was dressed like james bond while practically it was like a waiter :)
      thank you for reading and liking...have a nice week :)

      Delete
  32. woooooooooow..... what a art of writing u have!!!!! Maa Sha Allah
    Bashar

    ReplyDelete

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